My neighbor, father of 3, committed suicide last night

His youngest son found him.

First, I just have no idea how a man could that to his family, to just leave them like that. Obviously he must have been suffering from depression or some other mental problems, but I can't get over the selfishness of leaving behind a family like that.

But I digress...what, if anything, could I do to help the mom? Another neighbor suggested we all pitch in a buy some gift cards to local restaurants or offer to pay for lawn care.

Any other ideas? Or do we just mind out own business? I didn't know them that well.

 

I can not imagine the horror of the young man finding his Dad. I would ask if there is anything you can do to help now or in the future. Sucks for sure the despair of mental illness is scary when it hits close to home like that.

 

Ugh. I'm not even sure what to do. Did you guys have a good relationship with him or the family in the past?

 

How horrible. I had a friend with two girls and a wife do the same thing. The day after I told him I was too busy to take him to lunch. I'm sure he was wanting to "tell me goodbye". Sick feeling. So sad for the children. I just don't understand.

Reach out to the neighbor and see what you can do. Ask. Be a neighbor. She needs that.

 

I didn't know them that well. I've talked with the kids plenty as they like to play football in my yard. The parents kinda kept to themselves.

 

The OP had the right term there. Selfishness.

My prayers go to that family.

 

I have a good friend who's Dad ended his life just last year, without knowing the circumstances calling the man selfish is wrong.

 

Such a terrible thing I couldn't even imagine. My daughters best friends father did the same thing last fall. He left a note for his daughter not to go in the house but to go to the neighbors after school so that she wouldn't be the one to find him. I have been in constant contact with them and constantly asking if I can be of any help. They haven't taken me up on the offers yet but I can tell that just the reminder that I am here for them whenever they need it is at the least a little comforting. The daughter recently made a comment to her mom that at least she still has one dad. A little taken back by that the mom asked what she meant and she was referring to me so I am glad to see that she feels she isn't alone and without a father figure going forward.

 

Treat them the way you would want your family to be treated if you suddenly passed away.

 

If he was facing hundred of thousands in medical bills then it could be considered selfless.....sparing his family financial ruin and prolonged mental anguish of a drawn out sickness.

 

Typically suicide voids life insurance policies, Minnesota is working towards being a right to die state and I applaud the effort. My friends Dad was an avid reader he had parkinsons and could no longer hold a book still enough to read, sometimes a man should be able to live and die on his own terms.

 

Yikes, reminds me I need to catch up with some people that I haven't in way too long, you just never know.

 

I would let the dust settle a little bit before I would intrude on the family. Make a donation at the funeral if there is one or maybe just go cut their lawn.

 

Usually after two years you should get full benefits of the policy even if it was deliberate suicide.

 

I would probably just let her know that I would be there to help her if she needs any assistance around the house.

Circumstance or not, walking away from a young family could be considered nothing but selfish in my opinion. Leaving three young children and a mother to figure things out on their own is the cowardly way out in my opinion. I don't feel sorry for anyone that chooses suicide, but I do feel bad for their loved ones.

 

That sucks. Don't know how much support the family has but just a knock on the door with a meal or even a plate of cookies and probably a hug at least for the kids that you knew would go a long ways. Making yourself available for a shoulder and a good listening ear would likely be most helpful. Especially a month from now when everyone else has gone on with their lives and the family is still trying to find the "new normal."

 

I see this on a monthly if not weekly basis with my line of work. Lots a variables as to why people do it.

To answer your second question, i have no idea honestly.

 

I cannot even imagine how bad it must of been to leave behind a wife and children. And to do it in a place where his child could be the one to find him? That right there tells you how bad of a mental state he must of been in.


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100% it is a selfish act. Doesn't matter what the circumstance was, he abandoned his family.

 

Hooker....that's so darn tough, and it saddens me to hear of it. The initial shock will cause the survivors to run the gamut of emotions. If it were me...I would take an early opportunity to talk with the wife/mother, express condolences, and make the offer to help with whatever she would like help with. Initially she may decline...wait a reasonable time to let some of that grief and shock wear off...and make another offer...if necessary, do it again. You sound like a stand up sort of guy, and your concern for the survivors is admirable. My best to you, and my prayers to the wife and kids.

Bill