We are not at the point yet of having serious discussions about moving to a rural area (up north). My wife knows I want to someday. She isn't sure. Until the kids are much older and done with sports where we would not have to drive them all over the place all the time it isn't something I would want to do yet. It is nice to live close to those activities now. At some point it may be a power struggle on where we live. What has been your situations and how have you dealt with them? How did it turn out in the long run.
Well there is going to be the one crowd who is going to say and roll over and do as the wife says to keep here happy. This always seems wrong to me because its not really compromise if you wife always gets her way. slightly off topic but the phrase "if momma's not happy aint nobody happy" always bothers me. What about your needs? The second and probably single or divorced crowd will probably say just move now and show her. The truth I would like to think lies somewhere in the middle. If you have an honest coversation now about how living in town or in the burbs is your version of compromise at least somewhere down the line perhaps you can move when the kids are grown to the rural area you want. I.E "we lived in suburbia for the first 25 years of our marriage because you wanted it, now lets live on the farm for the next 25." I suspect if you can swing it, is to keep the suburban house and live part time in the rural house. My FIL gave up career advancents and his dreams so my MIL could be close to her family and mom. However, once the kids were gone he pretty much had made it clear they were leaving. Sometime's you have to be firm even when compromising. The upside is my wife witnessed this first hand with her own parents and realizes change will be coming. I pretty much live the 9-5 suburban life for her. Our compromise now is a family farm 1 hour away.
Yeah. That is t going to change. We would both be looking for new jobs. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I agree. It is not do what your wife wants to make her happy and it is not stomping your foot down and demanding a move. It is something that only you and your wife can discuss and come to a decision on. Marriage is all about communication and both sides bending a little. There are nice things to be said for both sides. Personally, I would love to live in the middle of the woods where I can drink my cup of coffee and watch deer browsing thru my yard. If my wife had it her way, we would live in the city. We live in the suburbs.
We went through this type of question, but it really centered around where to send our daughters to school. One option was to move to a rural area and send the girls to that school. Another was to enroll in schools of choice where we would send them to a school out of district. You can do that here if you provide the transportation. The third option was to stay were we are and send them to the same schools I attended, where they could walk to school until middle school. (We live in a small city.) There are advantages and disadvantages no matter which you choose. One good thing is that we are not very far from state hunting land and we have a cabin on the U.P. which let's us get away. In the end, my husband decided we would stay here and send the girls to the same schools I attended, at least for the time being. I was glad he decided that way because that was my first choice. I think one could enjoy both worlds by having a cabin in the country and living in town.
In our house we both want to get out of Wisconsin and move to Colorado but until I can sell the business that's a pipe dream. Anybody want to be their own boss?
We both spent enough time living in the city that we knew we wanted out. We were both thrilled to get out of there. We live in the country, nearest neighbor is now 3/4 mile away. We are 4 miles from a small town of 750 people, where my daughter goes to school. Less than 20 miles from a town of about 75,000 people(where I work) and less than an hours drive from Kansas City. We do not regret the move for the most part. the only issue we have is some issues with the school and lack of pride within it, but that seems to be turning around these days. Luckily for me, it was an instance where I didn't have to persuade her. She was totally on board. I'm pretty blessed.
Brad, we are kind of in the same boat but my wife is more willing to move forward with the idea. She doesn't really have many hobbies or things she likes to do other than be a mom and wife. She has a full time job but beyond that she doesn't hunt, fish, camp, or do anything of the things that I do which are practically all outdoor things that more land would favor. So she basically said as long as we are a family and we have the finances to do it we can. The problem is, buying a good chunk of land and building a home or buying an existing home on a good chunk of land is expensive. I know we could do it if we cut back our lifestyle but until the kids get older I don't think it's the right move for us just yet either. I would like to put it on my 10 year plan, maybe 15.
Definitely about compromise. Sometimes I feel guilty pulling my wife out of the city and into the rural suburbs and hopefully within the next 2-4 years, onto some significant acreage that we nailed down nearby. I grew up on land and always wanted it. However, I can certainly see arguments against it with children. If my wife wasn't really up for it, I'm 100% certain I would work out some compromise (stay here or get a 3-4 acre lot and build there). Living out is great, but for me, it's not really everything. I wouldn't want to live in a city or a cookie cutter development, but a few acres and neighbors/farm ground nearby like we have now is perfect for kids. She is on board with building and like I said, we're basically stealing the land we found at the price we will pay, so we will move forward. Then again, we will be only a few miles from the city. Best of both worlds. Not really rural Wisconsin, so I can't help you there, Brad :D
For years we had this discussion. I am a country boy and wanted my own land to farm and hunt. We looked for a couple years at places after we sold our townhome. Strange thing, my wife started a box garden on our deck and it did really well. She realized that she was limited on how much she could raise. This was the thing that started her looking for land to farm and raise vegetables. Now she is ready to make the move out to the country and have a farm of her own and I get my own land to hunt.
Can't you just move a little further out rather than migrating a distance, keep the jobs and just commute a little further? It could be a compromise?
For me luckily my wife isn't a fan of people and neighbors, so buying our house and land was easy. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I live in Lincoln County north of Merrill. My wife and I moved here after the kids were out of the house. We have a decent house and a chunk of land to hunt and call ours. If you have kids that were not raised in the country forget it for now. You'll be running them everywhere every day. If you have teenagers they have established friends and pecking order at school. Uprooting them now would be extremely unfair to them. Jobs, unless your a teacher or in the medical field finding work that pays is extremely rare up north here. I commute back to Wausau every day for work. The wife used to also. But her business now allows here to work from a home office. I enjoy every day up here. But it's not what I expected after moving up from southern WI. I got good friends, a chunk of land, and room to run my bear hounds. But it all took time and LOTS of work getting established. If you do move I will offer a piece of advice that was given to me. In rural and small communities everyone is either related or friends. If you have an opinion of someone your best keeping it to yourself.
Marital advice is tricky at best. What works for one may not help the dynamic of another relationship. I do agree that honest discussion about wants and needs are necessary for a healthy relationship. Conflict resolution is the hard part and compromise after entrenched positions have been taken is very difficult. I am fortunate in that my wife and I are generally on the same page about most major decisions. We both like the convenience of going to the grocery store without it taking an hour to get there but we neither like neighbors so close that we can hear their conversations. We have settled upon a place in the country as a retreat but living close to town so she can take help care for her elderly parents. One thing to consider as you get older is quality health care that is close by as I seem to need more of that the older I get and sometimes rural areas are lacking in that regard.
