I have a 19 year old step son still living at home, mooching off his Mother. He has been busted 4 times for either drugs, or underage drinking. Broke probation twice, and still they let him walk with a slap on the rist. Turned 16 in January of 2013. Busted for minor possession of weed in his car at 17. June of 2015....DWI, and another minor .....Lost his license for 1 year, has to pay court costs, and a $600 fine. Supervised probation for 1 year. And drug and alcohol classes. 90 days jail time, stayed, unless he breaks probation. January 2016..... Busted at a party drunk off his ***. Another under aged drinking, and giving a false name. More coourt costs, another small fine, and another 90 days stayed. Another year probation to start in June when his first one runs out. This one is unsupervised. No jail time. April 1st 2016........... Busted again for under aged drinking at a party. And breaking probation. Took him right to jail for 3 days for breaking probation. But nothing else!!! Not even a court date!!! WTF!!! So he has broken his probation 2 times all within 1 year, and he still is walking free. Here is my question.... I thought 90 days stayed meant no jail time unless you break your probation, but he has broken it twice in 1 year, and all he gets is 3 days in jail????? How does that work??? I have tried kicking him out of the house, but his mother has made it clear that she wont do that, said if I dont like it, I can leave... Sorry for the rant, but I have had it up to the bald spot on my head with this punk!!!!
Liberal justice system= job security for the the court system. Liberal logic it takes government to create jobs.
Sounds like the kid is not hearing what is being told to him, somebody needs to talk to him in brail were he doesn't hear it but he feels it.
I would, but all it would take with him is to just touch him, and he would have the cops there before in a second! They would have no problem tossing my can in jail!
It sounds like if you do not want to put up with him any more your only option is to move out and stop dating her. It also doesn't sound like a kid that is going to move out when he turns 18.
Been married to her for 17 years. I was raised to no give up because things are tough, but you are right Tom, if I don't like it, I will have to be the one to walk away.
He keeps doing what he's doing because there is no consequences. Hopefully he'll wise up/grow up soon and change his ways. Blessings...........Pastorjim
I feel for you perhaps a call to his probation officer? I can't believe a judge has not looked at his body of work and put the spurs to him.
Sounds like the mother is part of the problem. Sorry to say about your wife, but the boy needs discipline. Perhaps you should suggest that ypu and your wife see a marriage counselor to help with the solution. From what you said, it sounds like you will be needing to see a counselor sooner or a lawyer later. Sorry your in this spot. Its what I would do if I were you. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Thanks for the input everyone! His mother is the main problem. I told her when he was about 7, that if she didn't start giving him consequences, he would end up like this. I have tried everything, including family foundling.. Nothing has worked. I was hoping he would get locked up, and that maybe that would straighten him out, but don't look like that's going to happen.
When things settle down a bit I would try to get the kid interested in a trade of some sort than encourage him to go out of state for tech school. Maybe he needs to separate himself from his local crowd. I've had friends like this. Most turn it around its just a matter of how long it'll take. People with attitude issues often will need positive reinforcement help instead of yelling and negative criticism which just makes them go deeper into their drug/drinking shut out what all the old people are telling me lifestyle.
Sounds like he is a prime candidate to spend 30 days in jail not only because he violated his probation but because he needs to sober up. Next time, 60 days.
If I had been told "if I don't like it, I can leave." I would have been out the door. It see her telling you that as a huge sign of a lack of respect, and that kind of respect is something that should be present in a marriage. If me, I would give them both an ultimatum. For him, once more and you are out on your own. For her, if she doesn't go along, she is on her own also. I wouldn't stay with somebody who would continue to take an adult child over me.
Unfortunately the system is broken. We have a presidential candidate that if you or I did the things that she has done, we would be in jail. We see movie stars and athletes that get away with stuff too. The issue with your step son sounds like it is deeply rooted and is not going to change without some sort of a rude awakening and you marriage also sounds like it is in need of some serious repair too. Marriage is a team sport and if you both aren't on the sane team it's very hard to win at the game of life.
Liberal justice system and an enabler for a mother. The problem is, you have to get him passed just thinking about the consequences, he has to not do it because he knows it's wrong and dangerous (for himself and others). The first step though is to give consequences harsh enough to deter the behavior. Unfortunately physical punishment isn't legal, most of the time that's what gets the stupid out.
Talk to the PO and if possible the judge and request he is ordered to Job Corps. Minimum 6-9 months, not only will this force him to sober up but he will learn a trade and earn some money. Once he completes the program hopefully he will have wised up a bit and if nothing else should have acquired the skills and money to make it out of mommies house. It isn't as bad as going to jail but he also won't be able to leave at will. I went to Job Corps... I wasn't court ordered, I went under my own free will (kinda lol) but I would say the vast majority of the kids there were court ordered due to circumstance much like his. I hated it.. But looking back now, 20 years later, its one of the best things I ever did as a teenager.
Who legally owns the house, you or your wife? He's 19- you can keep him off YOUR property. I completely understand not wanting to give up on him or at least your wife; but that punk is an adult and has no "right" to enter the property. Someone has to give him permission to be there.
He acts that way for 2 reasons. He was enabled (which you already know), and he WANTS to act that way. Some people are just bad apples and will always be bad apples. He could wise up and realize it one day...but that's up to him. You can't tell a 19 year old kid what to do...that opportunity was lost 10 years ago.
